We escaped to our family cabin in NH this past weekend expecting to hunker down Sunday and to ski two feet of fresh powder on Monday. Instead, it snowed 12 inches and sleeted another three. The next day, 58 mph winds thrashed the cabin, closed ski lifts, and cut off our power. Our best-laid plans weren’t realized but sweeter ones were. We celebrated my father-in-love’s 82nd birthday, played rousing board games, listened as grandparents told stories, planned our Mediterranean vacation together in August, and smiled at sister antics. There was love and there was laughter. Also reminders for me that “family” isn’t just shared cabins, last names, and DNA…it’s the people you wake up choosing to love each day. The ones with whom even mundane memories are a gift.

Of course, it’s not all rosy for us. Every family has their share of strife, struggles, quiet resentments, and personal narratives that permit little room for change/growth. I’m grateful for the differences in our coding and viewpoints that rub me raw at times. If family were always comfy and easy, I’d be intolerable—and the outside world would be, too.

This past year, my world has held more conflict than any year in my memory. A church split, a divisive election…raising teenagers. At times I’ve wanted to run from the conflict and other times scream at the offenders. Neither response is healthy and both fall short of what family has taught me…we don’t have to agree to love one another.

And so maybe family is the people we practice on as we face a world we don’t understand and can’t really stand at times. Maybe family is God’s way of reminding us that the lessons we need aren’t always the lessons we want. Dare I venture…maybe family is where we learn better tactics for this war of hate our nation is fighting. If our ideologies break up our families and friendships, then our love has failed the test. When we insist that others agree with us, we become our own standard—and that’s a pretty shallow definition of love. You can keep that love for yourself…because that’s what it is.

Giving thanks for the school of family today (and a chance to photograph a family who models enduring love for me).